CHINA OFFERED PLACE IN GOVERNMENT

Cabinet

China has been offered a place in the cabinet in order to ensure the smooth running of the UK post Brexit.

Premier Dominic Cummings said that since Chinese firms had already been offered opportunities to take part in the rebuilding of Britain’s infrastructure it only made sense that they should be offered the chance to participate in less sensitive areas.

‘No doubt the role of Chinese firms in the building of Britain’s 5G network and HS2 is going to be pivotal but there seems no reason, since we have now evolved a good working relationship with these people, why we shouldn’t give them a chance to have a go at some of the more menial activities as well. Think of it as a goodwill gesture.’

‘The government’s role in running the country is of course fairly minimal and any such offer will be largely honorific rather than essential. It’s also the case that I can’t be expected to do everything myself. My deputy Boris Johnson tries to make a good deal of his image as the bustling energetic type but in reality he just performs for the cameras and leaves all the shit jobs to me.’

Asked how such a move fitted in with the government’s Brexit “take back control” strategy Mr Cummings pointed out that withdrawing from the Single Market was going to create ‘more paperwork and bureaucracy than originally thought and I’m buggered if I’m getting involved with that – but someone’s got to do it.’

‘In fact since Britain is the most important nation in the world I don’t think any UK citizen should be expected to do it either – we’ll have to hire some foreigners with experience of totalitarian rule to deal with all that. If the Chinese don’t want it I expect someone else will – it’ll all come right in the end, you see’.

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Posted: Feb 16th, 2020 by

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