Hundreds of thousands of Britons are struggling to understand what has hit them since the General Election in December. ‘The only thing that has been consistent is the wind,’ noted one Briton, ‘there’s been nothing but wind since December, mainly out of Boris’ arse.’
‘Trying to keep up with Boris’ ideas is impossible – it’s like we’ve got two lunatics running the government,’ said one observer. The government admits that policy announcements are a little erratic and don’t seem to match what was promised two months ago. ‘As policy seems to change like the weather we’ve decided to invest £1.2 billion pounds in a supercomputer that can factor in every idea that blows through Boris’ and Dom’s heads at any given point in time,’ said one expert today.
‘It won’t help us decide what they will do, but at least it’ll keep everyone busy until the storms go away, in just under five years’ time.’