Parents unable to connect daughter Alexa to WiFi


Mark and Stacey Marshall from Dagenham have complained that their new bundle of joy, Alexa, will not connect to their WiFi. This has left them disappointed to have just a baby with normal human abilities.

‘We were after one of those Alexa voice control things for ages,’ said Mark. ‘My mates say they can’t live without theirs. I mean we’ve always just physically pressed a button to play a song or flick a switch to put the heating on – just crazy behaviour when you think about it. Besides, now I’m married I wanted one anyway, it’s the only chance I’ll ever have to tell a female what to do.’

‘Problem was we couldn’t really afford one, but then the wife reminded me we just had a baby girl, so all we had to do was name her Alexa and hook her up to the WiFi. Job’s a good’un, I thought. But she just wouldn’t connect, little beggar. I tried everything. I even went around to my mate’s house to ask his Alexa how to connect a baby to the internet. She kept trying to connect to social services, so she obviously doesn’t know everything.’

Mark concluded: ‘I guess we just have to accept our Alexa has limited abilities. Pretty gutted, I won’t lie to you. She can’t play the entire Spandau Ballet back catalogue or connect me with other flat-earthers. I mean, yeah sometimes she gives you a cute smile, but seriously, gripping my finger for six seconds is hardly the same as showing me endless videos of dancing fat kids.’

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2020 by

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