One furious company director and Brexit party member is suing cruise giant, Oceatania, following a cruise he and his wife Penelope embarked upon where he claims the experience is falling well below the standards they signed on for.
Speaking via Skype from Hong Kong where he is currently under quarantine Brian Allen said: ‘Cruising’s exclusivity has gone. We have had to mix with ordinary people during two weeks of pure hell.’
‘After booking our cruise from Oceatania’s Executive Range we flew out to meet our liner, Pride of the Ocean.’
‘However alarm bells started ringing even on the plane when we could hear what sounded like northern accents coming from a few rows in front of us. Turns out these people are actually on our cruise.’
‘On the first night when they spotted Penelope in her ball gown on our way to the Captain’s Table Banquet they made rude remarks like – ooh, how’s your poop deck missus? – It was horrendous.’
‘But now the final straw is one of these grubby northerners must have caught this Coronavirus thing and given it to the entire ship. All shows, events and the Michelin starred food have been cancelled and we are confined to our cabins.’
‘Jane McDonald was due to join us for Cabaret Night tomorrow but she’s pulled out, the selfish cow, and if I ever hear Rod Stewart singing Sailing again he’d just better look out. That’s all I’m saying.”’