With half the country underwater, man of the people, Boris Johnson, showed real leadership today by proudly posing with a blue passport the EU never once stopped the UK from having.
‘What good does me pretending to care do? So I’ll just sit back and let the Daily Mail make my mealy-mouthed excuses juxtaposed to a picture of yours truly, patriotically waving a blue passport, leering like Prince Andrew after a Sloppy Giuseppe. That should instil a sense of good old fashioned British pluck.
‘Imagine, it’ll be just like your old passport, but blue and without visa-free access to so many countries, or the benefit of the fast queue through EU customs. If nothing else, you can use it to sweep out the raw sewage we failed to stop ruining your ground-floor hovels. I dunno, I’ll say anything, you idiots lap it up as long as it’s imbued with faux optimism about Brexit.
‘Not that I really have to say anything, you’ll be feeling a sense of national pride the whole time you’re slopping up faeces with your ‘I got Brexit done’ tea-towels.’