Government announces UK carbon neutral 15 years early

don't look now

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced that the UK has achieved its stated aim of ensuring the country was powered entirely through solar power 15 years ahead of the apparently aggressive 2035 target announced only two weeks ago.

‘Solar energy is the cleanest thing there is, right?’ said the Prime Minister, ‘So we reckoned that if we had petrol, diesel, hybrids etc that were all solar we’d fix the world’s problems immediately, what? Well, the amazing thing is – they are!’ said the Prime Minister, waving a sheet of paper around frantically.

‘See, your petrol comes from plants that were growing 65 million years ago, a renewable source that’s been renewing for yonks.  And where did they get the strength to grow and photosynthesize? From the sun, of course? It’s the same for your diesel fuel as well apparently. And all the gas and coal we burn to make electricity to charge our electric cars and lorries and buses, well they were all plants at one time as well, right? Also renewable, it just needs a few more million years to work.

‘And what about the wind and the waves that turn all the turbines, where does all that energy come from, eh? Got it – the sun, right? So if we just call everything ‘solar’ now, no more problems, the UK leads the world once again.

‘Now all that’s sorted, all I need to do is negotiate a trade agreement with the EU,’ said the Prime Minister.  ‘Not sure what I’ll have to do after Wednesday.’

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2020 by

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