Turd in swimming pool denies being at fault for people getting out


A turd found floating in a swimming pool in Cumbria insists he is not to blame for turning people away from swimming in the pool. The 67-year-old turd said he was disappointed with the negative response he had received from people in the town but vowed to continue bobbing about in the water until he got his message across.

A friend of the turd, who has been unofficially identified only as ‘Jeremy’, claimed fellow swimmers should rally behind him and should stop trying to force him out. But critics say the turd has been thrashing around in the deep end for two years now and is clearly out of his depth.

A friend said remarks made by former swimming pool turds, named locally as David, Peter and Tony, had not helped the situation. ‘We were trying to appeal to floaters in the area and their comments did not help,’ said an associate of the turd, who gave his name as ‘John’. ‘I also blame the media. If they hadn’t kept harping on about the presence of the turd, most swimmers would not mind.’

However, ‘David’ said that John was simply trying to paper over the cracks and was in denial about the turd’s wider appeal. ‘If there’s one thing the people of Cumbria know about, it’s toxic waste’ said David.

‘Some people might find the turd’s honesty a breath of fresh air, but it’s time has passed,’ he added. ‘If members in the swimming club don’t get rid of it soon, the turd will continue to fester and destroy everything around it. He might well be decent and honest turd but he is still a turd. Unless he goes I don’t think anybody will take up swimming again. There’s no point trying to polish a turd, after all.’

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2020 by

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