Schools today announced that for safety reasons, all members of the families which went skiing over half term should self isolate until they stop being so smug about it.
The health and education secretaries said schoolchildren have long suffered from the smugness of their peers coming back from holidays ski holidays over half term. The fact that these families may now bring lethal diseases highlights why we should’ve crackdown on this problem a long time ago.
School staff were instructed on warning signs to identify children who have been skiing over the holiday.
* Panda-bear style suntans is a key warning sign however in places like Essex and South Wales it may just mean they have been spending the week in a tanning booth.
* Talking about the food and drink which may be consumed on a ski trip in there again talking about Jeagermeister in south Wales or Essex should not be interpreted as a sign the child skis.
* Being dropped off at school in an Audi Q8 or similar.
Members of families who went skiing over the half term anywhere immediately self isolate in their households until all the smugness has worn off-which will take at least two weeks. During this period food will be delivered but only from Asda, not Waitrose, Ocado or similar.
A special exception is for anyone whose parents took them skiing in Scotland -they must instead be reported to social services.
When queried as to what families should do if ski trips were booked over Easter, the Secretary of State for Health recommended they go on less pretentious holidays – such as a week in Tenerife or a cruise ship.