With concerns rising over the corona virus outbreak, several sporting organisations have recommended that the practise of shaking hands before or after a match be avoided, although spitting during a dirty tackle or biting ears – not all the way through – is still considered reasonable.
Sharing a communal bath with other naked sportsmen is still considered acceptable, unless ‘one of them is one of those openly gay guys.’ Passing a litre of gin mouth to mouth is also considered good form as ‘nobody ever caught anything swapping spit.’
‘With the virus spreading we can’t be too careful,’ said a spokesperson today. ‘If they must shake hands then it must be followed by a dollop of hand gel, wiped off the other player’s face, of course. Before or after scratching one’s own gonads, obviously.’