Sportsmen ordered to not shake hands, spitting still OK though


With concerns rising over the corona virus outbreak, several sporting organisations have recommended that the practise of shaking hands before or after a match be avoided, although spitting during a dirty tackle or biting ears – not all the way through – is still considered reasonable.

Sharing a communal bath with other naked sportsmen is still considered acceptable, unless ‘one of them is one of those openly gay guys.’ Passing a litre of gin mouth to mouth is also considered good form as ‘nobody ever caught anything swapping spit.’

‘With the virus spreading we can’t be too careful,’ said a spokesperson today. ‘If they must shake hands then it must be followed by a dollop of hand gel, wiped off the other player’s face, of course. Before or after scratching one’s own gonads, obviously.’

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Posted: Mar 3rd, 2020 by

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