Above a well-known pie and mash shop in London’s East End, the annual summit of cockneys, an oppressed minority group, unveiled their new rhyming slang for this Jeremy Hunt of a virus.
After handing out market flyers for a 50% off sale of ‘Cor Blimey’ trousers and dustman’s hats, it was solemnly announced that the term “Miley Cyrus’ would be used for Coronavirus, beating off stiff competition from “Egyptian Papyrus.”
Britain’s leading cockney actor, honorary pearly king, and five-time Oscar-winner, Sir Jason Statham, fresh from his rhyming slang version of Romeo & Juliet at the Old Vic, expressed his relief at the announcement.
“This couldn’t come fast enough. There’s been a load of confusion with us cockneys about what to call this virus. Some people were calling it the Billy Ray Cyrus, while others were saying Egyptian Papyrus. You can imagine the tear-ups that created. Both sides felt they were mugging the other side off. It created a lot of division, I can tell you that and we cockneys don’t need much incentive for us to kick off.
So Miley Cyrus is perfect, and of course, we cockneys, in the finest slang tradition only use the first half, so it will be something like, “Oi, love, wash yer brass bands, we don’t want a dose of that Miley.”
Sir Jason is currently translating NHS Coronavirus advice pamphlets into rhyming slang for the benefit of his community.