West(minster) Side Story


Enter Priti Patel stage right before a slavering chorus of Tory MPs to one side and Sir Richard Putnam to the other. She smirks at the audience and sings…




I am Priti, I’m not shitty,

I am pretty and witty and gay

And I pity,

Anybody who I’ll fire today!


Being Priti, no committee
Can say I can’t do what I like
And the minions, working with me
Can lump it or get on their bike


It’s alarming, I like harming,

those who always get right in my face!

But I’m charming

To those lowly folk who know their place.


I’m no bully, I’m backed fully,

Mr Woolly has backed me so there!
Sitting Priti,

so I’ll persecute you I don’t care!


Sir Richard Putnam:


See the smirky woman in the office there?
Who can that abusive bitch be?
Not a Priti sight
For our human rights
This is Priti shite
Priti’s been the death of me!




Maybot sacked me, Boris backed me
He thinks I can do nothing wrong
I believe in, EU-leaving
I can smirk, shout and swear all day long


Chorus of Tory MPs:


She is Priti – I’d feel Priti
If I ever had any luck
She reminds me, of my nanny
She’s a cow

But I don’t give a f*ck



I love power, every hour
I feel like jumping and dancing within
For I’m even loved
By the gammon who don’t like brown skin


Sir Richard Putnam:


Have you met the Home Secretary Priti
The shoutiest girl on the block?
But once I’ve been to the tribunal
When she’s sacked, it won’t come as a shock




I am Priti, it’s a pity
The woman I drove to self-harm
Didn’t go the whole hog and take poison
If she couldn’t handle my charm


Good old Boris, knows his Horace,

And he’ll always be right on my side!

Got no worries, but for now

if you don’t mind, I’ll hide!


I am Priti and this ditty
Shows just how empowered I feel
Cringe before me, I’m a Tory
None of your nonsense is real


[Exit Priti, stage right]

Music and Lyrics by NickB and Oxbridge

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2020 by

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