Passengers from the Diamond Princess cruise ship are facing further misery as crew continue to lay on entertainment across the ship’s lounges and bars for the 5th week running.
While some passengers have been evacuated to their home countries, many others continue to face uncertainty about when they will be released from the quarantined cruiser. Two passengers recently broke quarantine, jumping overboard in a desperate attempt to escape the ongoing cabaret, which included squalid cover bands, unpalatable stand-up comedy, fetid ventriloquists and children’s magic. Others have sent messages to shore urgently requesting a new rostra of performers, though were disappointed when Cruise star Jane Macdonald took it upon herself to break through security and swim toward the stricken ship. Medics given access to the vessel have described the acts on board as “appalling”.
Passengers on board have been reported to be suffering ticks, violent episodes and manic gesticulations on the onset of holiday-themes pop hits not seen since the so-called 1979 ‘Birdy Song Flu’, which invoked involuntary chicken-like spasms on the onset of the song after a French pilots strike left holiday-makers stranded in Spanish resorts. While cover versions of Black Lace hits have been banned from holiday resorts since 1988, the law has been unenforceable in international waters, and the ship has been declared an ‘area of highly infectious pop’.
It is thought passengers deemed safe have been taken to a holding area to help them adjust to shore life, featuring comedy and music by mildly amusing comedian Bradley Walsh and middling singer James Blunt. Meanwhile, passengers from the Disney cruise liner in nearby Japanese waters have requested a transfer to the ship, insisting that life amid a Coronavirus epidemic is still preferable to another Frozen Musical spectacular.