The virus, which targets the elderly and infirmed, is said to have big plans for the House of Lords – replacing hereditary nobles with hereditary illnesses. The only defence against its spread is alcohol rub, but the Lords have already drunk their supply.
One in five peers are over 80 and five in five are over the hill. The death rate could be as high has 65% in the House of Lords, while the deaf rate whenever someone tells them to take a pay cut is 100%.
Earlier this month, the Queen appeared in public wearing gloves, promoting speculation that she planned to cull the Lords, using one unwashed glove. The duty of spreading Royal infection was normally left to Prince Andrew, but he had been benched for asking people to rub his ‘Royal Sceptre’.
Given that a handful of inactive peers still managed to claim £500,000 in expenses, it is unlikely that a dead Upper Chamber will save the British tax payer much money. However, as one voter put it, can you really put a price on the benefits of one less Lord Mandelson?