As Covid-19 tightens its grip across the UK almost everyone has said: ‘Jesus Christ, no no no, please, anyone but that self-serving plonker in charge of our fate, we’d even take Grayling.’
‘Everyone may as well lie down quietly and wait for death’s cruel sting. Let’s face it we’re all doomed, aren’t we?’ added the entire population of Manchester.
Professor Alan Manley who works at the National Centre for Contagious Diseases said: ‘Do I trust Mr Johnson to handle this crisis competently? Do I fuck!’
‘As a matter of fact I’m convinced the chap we saw on TV the other day was actually a doppelganger and the real Jonson has pissed off to a remote atoll in the middle of the Pacific where he’s shacked up in a 30-roomed luxury mansion with Jennifer Aniston.’
Nevertheless there is one lone voice in the wilderness seemingly swimming against the tide of national ridicule and utter disdain for the PM.
Bryan Lea a total bellend who actually believes what he reads in the Daily Mail and Telegraph said: ‘Boris is a great chap. I don’t understand all the negativity that’s being heaped upon him.’
‘He got Brexit done and has proven time and time again that Britain comes first. He’ll steer us through these troubled waters and we’ll be fine, just wait and see. I believe it because Boris said it’s true. So come on cheer up everyone. We are Britain. Rule Britannia!’