‘Still plenty of porridge’ say supermarkets

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Supermarkets across the UK say they are running dangerously low on all food supplies although nearly all stocks of porridge remain unaffected.  They say all fresh, frozen and tinned produce are now gone and there are just a handful of dried pulses still remaining.  But stocks of porridge, a chopped starchy grain, boiled in water – considered a delicacy north of the border – are still in plentiful supply.

Although tipping flaky oats into a pan and boiling it in salty water is way beyond the culinary skills of most ordinary Scots people, the drab grey gruel has become synonymous with people north of the border.  ‘Even the pet food has gone’ confirmed store manager Greg Meredith.  ‘We noticed some people pick up a bag of porridge, read the ingredients and cooking instructions, put it back on the shelf and then head for the pet food supplies.   Although to be honest, that usually happens when the shelves are full anyway.’

Villagers on Exmoor who have been cut off for days say all they have left between them is a bag of porridge left over from the big freeze of 1963.  ‘All we have is this bag of porridge and a dead crow’ said one of the villagers on Facebook….’so we’ve plucked the feathers off the crow and we’re having that tonight. We’re saving the feathers until tomorrow.’

‘Somebody mentioned the plane crash in the Andes back in ’72 and then we realised it was either that….or the porridge.  We’ve been drawing straws this morning.  I hate to think what the last one standing will do.  Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that…..for their sake’.

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2020 by

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