While the rest of the world closes airports, schools and branches of Woolworths, Britain has decided to go it alone with the Coronavirus. Instead of avoidance, the UK has an embraced a policy of full, undiluted contact; with current advice including rubbing against Nadine Dorries and licking the rim of your toilet – whichever is seen as more palatable.
The Government’s medical advisors have poured scorn and infected mucus, over the data produced by foreign scientists. Insisting that the UK adopts a ‘herd immunity’, to go with their ‘herd-like TV watching’ and ‘lemming-like voting patterns’.
Explained a spokeswoman for a sweaty Matt Hancock: ‘The rest of the world has been drinking the Kool-Aid, while we’ve been licking the door knob of life. Stiff upper lips are 100% resistant to viral infection, as they effectively block the air-waves and recede the chin. You may ask, do we know something that others don’t, but I can assure you we know nothing’.
‘I laugh in the face of a pandemic, while sneezing in the face of conformity.’