Mistresses across Italy are said to be heartbroken and neglected after the government’s cancellation of all sporting events gave their lovers no excuses to slip away from their wives.
‘It’s terrible.’ said Maria Gambrelli, a 26 year old from Florence who has been kept in luxury by her 58 year old businessman boyfriend. ‘He always got away by saying he was going to see Fiorentina and we could make wild, unabashed love. Now he’s stuck at home in isolation watching highlights.’
There are also reports of gigolos seeing a ‘downturn in action’. While Vatican Cardinals have been limited to only have sex five times a day.