Scots panic-buy flights to Italy to escape details of Salmond sex case

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The Scottish budget airline, Air Jobbie has reported that panic buying by customers desperate to fly to Italy, has crashed its online booking system. This follows the reporting in the media of graphic details emerging from the court case involving ex-First Minister and former beached whale, Alex Salmond and his alleged sexual offences.

The panic started when supplies of sick bags ran out across Scotland. Supermarkets were taken by surprise when new stocks of toilet rolls and hand sanitizer were completely ignored, as rampant shoppers trampled over staff and grabbed the sick bags.

‘Once the sick bags ran out I had no choice but to book us tickets to Italy,’ explained Dougie McNair, 43, from Glasgow. We had the telly on and all they were talking about was him dangling his wee gooseberries in a place he shouldn’t. It scared my five bairns half to death. I mean, what is the world coming to?’

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2020 by

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