Terror organisation admits responsibility for ‘legal but immoral’ tax avoidance

all activities legally licensed abroad

Following public criticism and protests against multi-national companies and the levels of tax they pay, the spotlight has moved over to Al-Qaeda. The international terrorist organisation has been operating in the UK for well over 15 years but has yet to post any taxes with HMRC.

A financial spokesman for the terrorist organisation told MPs in a commons select committee that it’s finances are more complicated than that of terrorist groups that operate in one country such as the Real IRA.

‘Al-Qaeda UK Ltd does a lot of business in other tax territories’ he claimed. ‘For example, explosives are sourced from our sister company Al-Qaeda of Iran. Although the exporting is a little tricky, we qualify for a ‘death to the west’ tax exemption there’.

‘We pay and train our staff in Afghanistan where labour costs are much lower and for some reason we get ‘death to the west’ tax relief there as well’ he continued. ‘And of course all of the cells in the UK pay a franchise fee, which in the event of an attack gives them the right to use the Al-Qaeda brand when claiming responsibility’.

The arrangements that leave the Treasury with no money from the organisation have led to severe public criticism from the tax payers’ alliance. They say that despite vigorous denials from the group, they actively reward members that find new and inventive ways to dodge tax. They claim they have untouched women in the Cayman Islands, so that those who save the most money can be promised all those virgins when they get to tax haven.

The dispute has seen tensions grow and almost caused World War III after a cultural misunderstanding saw HMRC ask to see their profits on paper. However, a quick explanation that the Prophet Mohammed (definitely not pictured above) cannot be depicted stopped the matter, and HMRC’s offices, being blown out of all proportion.

A final solution has now been reached by Al-Qaeda in an attempt not to further damage the brand. ‘Although we cannot promise to pay tax in the UK, as a good will gesture we will reduce by 10 a year the number of Jihads we issue’ a spokesman said before adding ‘Death to the West!’

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2020 by

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