After much speculation and mounting public pressure, Number 10 has announced that Rishi Sunak has finally been recognised for his outstanding achievement in becoming Boris Johnson’s longest serving cabinet minister, ever.
Sunak, still only 12, took on what experts feel is a “pretty challenging” role of Chancellor of the Exchequer about 6 weeks ago – although there is some debate whether it was a Monday or a Tuesday.
“I’m quite good at maths and shit at school”, a visibly emotional Rishi said when hearing of the gong. “But still it was a bit out the blue when Moggy came along one afternoon and instead of the usual horsing told me ‘Oi Sums, you’re now in charge of the dosh don’t f*ck it up’.”
“I’ve been really mindful of what Moggy said, but it’s the British peoples’ money so it doesn’t really matter if I wazz it into saving wanker banks or bloated self-righteous airlines owned by billionaires. I mustn’t give any to the working classes though as they just squander it on surviving and stuff.”
Sunak was appointed on a 3 month fixed term contract with the expectation that he wouldn’t last 5 minutes.
Boris Johnson enthused “Sums is doing a super job. No sleazy allegations, getting caught lying repeatedly or general complete privileged class incompetence – I’ll give him another couple of weeks to sort that or he’s out!”