Ikea launches new range of flat-pack coffins

Ikea

Meatball giant and furniture retailer Ikea has launched a range of coffins for the budget-conscious bereaved. The Kroke range of coffins, which contain over 2,300 separate components, packed into 13 boxes, can be rapidly assembled by a team of six people, using a range of industrial power tools, in just ten days.

The Kroke range are made in Ikea’s warehouse which literally covers the entire landmass of Sweden. The company said that the new range is already selling strongly throughout the UK, as people struggle to keep pace with the Coronavirus. And, at a time when funerals are limited to five attendees anyway, many newly bereaved families can no longer see the point in going the whole hog with brass handles and all that.

Ikea managing director Lars Bork, who claims that he has never been a member of the Nazi party, or even seen a Nazi for the last three months, said: ‘In these difficult times, what with someone dying in Europe every five seconds, our timing couldn’t have been any better. A coffin that anyone can buy and assemble within a fortnight is essential for the preservation of human dignity.

Each coffin comes with a 120-page instruction manual in Japanese and a lifetime, or ten-year, guarantee, whichever is the shorter. Customers can add internal bookshelves and an Alexa speaker to customize their purchase. Reviews have been good so far, although customer Mark Kelly from Streatham in South London did say: ‘The instructions are shit and Uncle Reg fell out the bottom when we were coming down the stairs. Still, at £49.99, I suppose I can’t grumble.’

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2020 by

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