Every household in the UK will receive a cardboard cut-out Hugh Pym to help combat Covid-19, it has been announced. ‘At exactly two metres tall, Hugh Pym is the ideal tool for correctly measuring social distancing”, commented Matt Hancock. ‘One Hugh’ will be the official unit of measurement to be adopted by the UK to properly ensure correct Social Distancing.
The unit has already been widely embraced up and down the UK and is known already by Glaswegians as ‘a Hughie’, as in ‘Hey chief, gonnae get a Hughie away fae me eh, cheers pal’ which broadly translated is a polite request to a nearby gentleman to maintain a safe distance. Look out for your very own Hugh Pym arriving soon – and remember that Boris said we only have around 11 weeks of this to go – maybe less now that we finally have accurate means to ‘maintain a safe Hugh Pym’.