Teenager emerges from bedroom to say ‘What virus?’


Although the UK is under lockdown, events are yet to disturb the sleep/gaming pattern of one hibernating teenager. In fact very few British youngsters are aware of the Coronavirus outbreak, given the allure of distractions like Fortnite, Tik Tok and 24/7 onanism.

Darren Holt, 17, has interrupted his self-imposed self-isolation to hunt for cheese on toast and a clean pair of pants, only to discover his entire family are on ventilators in a nearby hospital. ‘I thought it had gone a bit quiet but I’d just assumed they were all engrossed in a particularly riveting episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys,’ he explained.

Coincidentally, Darren had already been actively following guidelines of social distancing but had also anticipated future instructions; such as the government telling us not to brush our hair, tidy our room or clean out mouldy old cups of tea. He has now returned to his room, bravely determined to self-isolate for months on end. This partly to do with Covid 19, but mainly to do with having just downloaded Red Dead Redemption 2.

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Posted: Mar 26th, 2020 by

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