While most of Britain is profoundly depressed about not being able to go to the pub, see friends or attend sporting events, one group is finding the coronavirus lockdown rather refreshing. The nation’s introverts say that enforced isolation with only their own company is a blessed relief, albeit that spending so much time with their spouses is a bit of a strain for some.
‘I asked to work from home permanently years ago, but they refused,’ said insurance claims adjuster Stephen Fox, 47, from Worcester. ‘Now they are requiring me to, ironically. I can’t tell you how much happier I am without Carol from bought ledger regaling us every ten minutes about how her latest boyfriend has been shagging her sister. I’m even reading two books at my home ‘office’ every day and still getting more work done.’
Most psychologists believe that daily human interaction is vital for people’s well-being but introverts have described this as ‘a load of old bollocks’. Furthermore, they added, those who can’t manage without someone to tell them how great they are all the time are shallow knobheads who need to take a look in the mirror, assuming it wouldn’t cause them to shrivel and die at their pathetic lack of a self.
‘What they call ‘social distancing’ is what I call common courtesy,’ said Sarah Watkinson, 35, while blushing furiously and looking down at her shoes. ‘Why would anyone want to stand within two metres of a complete stranger anyway? What is so interesting about the contents of some haggard young mother’s shopping trolley, let alone discussing starting an inane conversation about brands of nappy with her?’
‘Yes, that did happen to me, actually. About four years ago. Ughh, I’m still trembling. What is WRONG with these people?’
Added Charlie, aged 9: ‘I think it’s brilliant. Loads of comfort food, the whole family in together watching a different film every night and nothing to do but potter around the back garden. Couldn’t be better. Admittedly I’m a dog.’