A suspect in a TV crime drama has once again capitulated from his initial stance of responding to every question with a smarmy ‘no comment’ and has admitted to a range of offences under mild questioning, it has been confirmed. The incident, thought to be the 3,625th of its kind this year, happened nearly two thirds of the way through an episode of Vera, with experts noting that it seemed to follow the same pattern as other cases confirmed this year in every other Detective show.
‘These cases all seem to follow a similar timeline, but its the speed of the capitulation that is a worry here’, noted Mike McBride, head of TV Script Continuity and Tropes at Equity. ‘First, a couple of confident ‘no comments’ to a direct accusation from a TV detective, delivered with a wry smile, arms folded, with a casual lean back in the chair. Usually accompanied by some supportive nods and note taking from a solicitor straight out of central casting.’
‘But then, there’s just a pretty tame follow up question suggesting the cop has some killer piece of evidence, or that they can negotiate some time for the suspect to talk with their estranged wife and son, and bang, they just spill the beans’, noted McBride.
McBride questioned TV crime suspects’ backbone and sense of integrity, and harked back to the glory days of crime suspects. ‘Remember that famous episode of Tales of the Unexpected in the 70s where the suspect went as far as eating a glass in front of a detective, when it was suggested it had vital fingerprint evidence linking him to a crime?’ said McBride. ‘Now that’s how to answer under pressure.’
McBride has called for a radical overhaul of Equity minimum rates, with TV crime suspects expected to deliver at least 20 ‘no comments’ before giving in, preferably alongside some sarcastic slow handclaps at the wacky but actually correct theories of the detective and some barbed threats about them having to watch their backs from now on.