Matt Hancock’s ventilator procurement an elaborate April Fool’s day prank

Hancock

Pranksters throughout the UK saluted the Health Minister’s commitment to slapstick and turning protecting the British public into an ‘absolute joke’.

Many have likened him to the new Dom Joly, although even Dom Joly would have had more than 5,000 ventilators in stock.

Hamilton Medical (the world’s leading manufacturer) described the UK as ‘very poorly equipped’ but Chortle’s Comedy Guide described Mr. Hancock’s efforts as five stars: ‘After one minute of Matt’s virus routine, I was experiencing a shortness of breath, which I can only attribute to giggling so much. Honestly, you’ll die laughing.’

Hamilton’s annual production is normally 15,000 – of which Germany has already ordered 10,000 – while Matt has ordered a Bernie Clifton Ostrich Suit. Said one exhausted nurse: ‘Hats off to Matt, playing the long game on this. Years of under-funding the NHS and ignoring warnings about a pandemic – but it’s hard to see where the comedy is – a bit like Mrs Brown’s Boys’.

Worryingly Hamilton takes 4-5 years to develop a new product, whereas Dyson has promised to do it in two weeks; leaving the NHS hoping ‘this sucks’ but in the right way.

Share this story...

Posted: Apr 1st, 2020 by

Click for more article by ..


© 2020 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer