Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse appeal for volunteers

Horsemen

They have hardly been seen in public since the middle ages. They have never agreed to requests for interviews; so it came as quite a surprise when the four horsemen of the apocalypse invited the world’s media (except the US who expect things to be back to normal by next weekend) to a press conference to highlight their need for volunteers during the current Covid-19 crisis.

After introducing his colleagues, War, Pestilence, and Famine, Death began by pointing out to the gathered invitees that they expect to be very busy for the at least the next few months.

‘If history teaches us anything’, continued Death, ‘it’s that attempting to invade Russia in the middle of winter is a really, really bad I… um , sorry, what I meant to say was that history shows the need to constantly adapt. After the great European plagues had abated Pestilence’s department had to let people go which unfortunately has left us short of staff now.’

Pestilence took the microphone to add that until recently most people in the west hadn’t really encountered pestilence all that much and that for many it had become a bit of an abstract concept. ‘What we realised”, said Pestilence, ‘is that we need new ways of appealing to people and so I’ve come up with some new slogans such as “Putting the laughter back into slaughter” and ‘”Be the fun in the funeral”. We will also be rebranding as FHOTA™️. Catchy, eh?’

‘What we’re looking for’, announced Death, ‘are enthusiastic volunteers with an interest in apocalyptic horsemanship, are prepared to travel and who ideally speak a second language, but not Chinese as (puts on sarcastic tone) official numbers from the Peoples’ Republic would suggest they don’t have a problem.’

People interested in volunteering should contact FHOTA™️ by phone. The number contains rather a lot of sixes

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2020 by

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