In what’s thought to be the first case of it’s kind, Dave Spratt of Brentwood, Essex claims that his 1995 Ford Mondeo Ghia has contracted coronavirus.
“I was just down to the local Co-Op, you know for their £5 frozen meal deal, when the car starting spluttering and came to a halt just outside Shenfield,” explained Mr Spratt. “It hardly wanted to start after that, the temperature went way up and my God, the noise it made. The man from the RAC said it was most probably a blown exhaust manifold, but what does he know? You can’t tell me that lethargy, high temperature and coughing aren’t symptoms.”
Mr Spratt has confirmed that he will be quarantining the Ford Mondeo for the foreseeable future after doctors at his local surgery refused to carry out much needed tests on the car. “They don’t care,” said Mr Spratt, “they just want the easy cases, but what if it gets passed onto a 1997 Renault Clio 1.4l, then it’s a Vauxhall Vectra 2.0l Ecotec and then it’s everywhere before you can stop it.”
Mr Spratt made news at the start of the year when he claimed his £10 Argos Cookworks kettle was displaying symptoms of adult measles, which after a period of hospitalisation, turned out to be a buildup of limescale.