New Romantics return to capital

New Romantics

As unintended consequence of the pandemic, flocks of flamboyant New Romantics have been returning to the deserted streets of London.

Not seen in numbers since the early 80s, it was thought that New Romantics were close to extinction, having been supplanted by their natural enemy, the Goths. However, the recent reduction in people, traffic, pollution and Indie Rock – brought about by the Coronavirus lockdown – has seen the population of New Romantics steadily increase over the past fortnight.

A lack of access to professional hairdressing facilities – ideal conditions for the return of ‘Big Hair’ – is also thought to be a major contributing factor. Since the first sightings in mid-March, Londoners have been urged to leave stashes of hairspray, mousse, gel, make-up, and synthesisers in their gardens, and voluminous blouses on their balconies and window sills, in an effort to attract even greater numbers back to the capital.

As Mother Nature moves in to reclaim towns and cities across the UK, similar sightings of Punks, Two-Tone and Grebos have also been reported. However, rumours of a breeding pair of Sloane Rangers are unfortunately thought to be false, having originated in Croydon, several miles from the Sloane’s natural SW1 habitat.

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2020 by

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