Piers Morgan: “Relax Britain, I’ll sort out the government’s Covid-19 shambles”

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 22:  Piers Morgan sighting on May 22, 2018 in London, England.  (Photo by HGL/GC Images)

Fresh as a daisy after spending three hours ranting, raving and roaring at the world, self-styled avenger of the people and the UK’s Gammon-in-Chief, Piers Morgan, was seen storming out of Television Centre at the conclusion of today’s edition of Good Morning Britain.

Brushing aside hordes of adoring fans all of whom were desperate to touch the hem of his ill-fitting suit jacket he yelled: “What the hell are you lot doing out of your houses? Morons like you are why we are now in this position. Get back to your homes immediately.”

Then almost ripping the door off a waiting limousine he barked to driver, “Ten Downing Street, mate, and bloody well get a move on. I’ve got a country to save from catastrophic levels of bungling political incompetence.”

Fifty-something female Morgan fan, Daphne Barnes, wiping her brow with a sweat-drenched flannel cooed, “Oh isn’t he fantastic. If only we could have him as our leader we’d not be in this terrible position now.”

Alan Edmonds, another fan and a 10th dan idiot said, “You gotta hand it to Piers. He says what we all think and he’s not afraid to say it either. He doesn’t let any of them MPs away with a thing.”

“I suppose his only real fault is that you never know what point the person he’s grilling is actually trying to make, but that’s OK, because obviously it’s always wrong… or else Piers wouldn’t get so worked up.”

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2020 by

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