European scientists have placed a TalkSPORT radio commentator inside the Large Hardon Collider in an attempt to create matter from anti-matter. Top radio host Colin Murray agreed to stand inside the tunnel while being bombarded with nothing-in-particular. If the scientific hypothesis is correct, Colin Murray will be able to turn nothing-at-all into something vaguely interesting.
An excited physicist said: ‘We sucked all sporting activity out of the tunnel, along with all sporting events, and all future sporting fixtures, leaving only a complete and utter sports vacuum. Then we fired questions at Colin, like ‘What’s the latest, Colin?’ And he instantly produced some news about a sport that doesn’t even exist!’
The world’s scientific community has abandoned the search for a Corona virus cure so it can channel funds and resources into capturing the illusive Sport-Particle. It is hoped the Sport-particle will help explain how the Universe was created and why men talk about sport, and only sport, when they gather together.
Professor Brian Cox said: ‘At the end of the day, it looks like it could be a Universe in two halves. The lads have been training for this experiment for a long time and they know what they’ve got to do, and they don’t underestimate the opposition.’