With the prime minister extremely ill in hospital and Dominic Whatsaface deputising, the nation is putting its foot down and demanding to be steered through the present crisis by Hugh Grant.
Social media influencers fear that without a household level of notoriety, how can Mr Raab endear himself to the public, and therefore operate effectively as a leader?
Lockdown mum Vikki Charteris commented, “We’re scared, frankly. We know with Boris in hospital at least there should be no change in policy with Dominic Cummings still pulling the strings, as ever. But, he’s ill too! We’re flying by the seat of our 24-hour a day lounge pants.”
Having burned-through dozens of online fads in the last few weeks, Vikki proposed her political solution to thousands of fellow zeitgeist engineers.
“We want Hugh! He’s been PM before. Hugh can bumble and fumble his way out of giving a straight answer. He knows ‘Crikey!’, ‘Bugger!’ and more importantly, he’s had an office romance, just like Boris.
The pair also share similar backgrounds, both attended Christ The Cad, Oxford. And both officially commented they were ‘not present’ at David Cameron’s intimate initiation parties. An online petition to install a new posh fop into Downing Street is gathering momentum and looks soon to surpass the Boaty McBoatface level of popularity, triggering the necessary awkward official dismissal.
Vikki added, “If it was toss-up between Hugh and Boris for naked charity calendars; I’d have to pick Hugh. But for PMs; you’re still our favourite. Get well soon, Boris.”