The PM remains hopeful of being short-listed for the prestigious international award for causing one’s own death, through outright stupidity. Hopefully, while in hospital, he will have had time to reflect on why paying nurses might be more productive than slow clapping at them.
Ultimately Boris hopes to make an ‘unnatural selection’ of his Eton Mess. Many articles have been written about his attitude to scientific advice; such as ‘The boy who licked plugs’, ‘BoJo like to make fire’ and ‘Brexit: Easier than you think’.
A surgeon explained: ‘Normally victims of the virus are simply unlucky, they had no control over events. But Mr. Johnson is literally the one person who chose to underfund the NHS, refused to buy ventilators, told us to rely on herd immunity and then insisted we all shake hands. Short of kissing everyone from Wuhan on the lips, I’m not sure what more he could have done to catch the virus’.
Said a No.10 spokeswoman: ‘The important thing is, while the PM is in hospital, he’s still saving lives. Every day he doesn’t make a decision people live longer.’