‘Just so you know, we’re making sh*t loads out of this’ say Hedge Fund w*nkers

city traders

Hedge Fund ball bags are collectively making some serious mullah out of the current coronavirus crisis by betting against stocks of struggling UK companies and so basically profiting from pending mass unemployment and, well death, it has emerged.

Hedge fund manager and sweaty toad, Toby Odious-Wilkes said, “this is just like the 2008 crash. Except with more face masks and sicky – slash – dead people. Yuck. That did initially put a bit of a downer on it, but then I remembered I put a bet on the daily death rate hitting 800 yesterday, so ever cloud, and all that!

“Look, you may hate us but we’re a necessary evil or some bollocks about capitalism is what keeps the world turning and actually you should be thanking us. Blah-de-Blah.

“Sod clapping for NHS, we pay for them in a way that I could explain with a Venn diagram and two hookers savaging my immensely unimpressive manhood, but you’re too dumb and beneath me in every way.

“Also, Darwinism in action. Forgot about that one. Who gives a toss about a few coffin dodgers? I’ll let Toby young fill in the gaps with that one.

“Anyway, thoughts and prayers are not going to help you. Lost your job? Worried about the future and how you will support and care for your family?

“What. The. Fuck. Do. I. Care?”

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Posted: Apr 12th, 2020 by

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