Trump “regrets total number of deaths hasn’t fallen”


President Trump has expressed regret that the total number of deaths from Coronavirus hasn’t fallen, despite all the steps his government has taken.

“Every day I look at the total number of deaths, and it’s always higher than the day before,” he lamented. “There are some who say we should be trying to flatten the curve, but I say why be so unambitious? I wanna wake up one morning and see the number’s gone down.”

When a journalist pointed out that this was literally impossible, he accused them of being unpatriotic, “talking America down with your fake news” and basic grasp of how statistics work.

He also responded to a model of a new super-hospital for Coronavirus patients, provisionally named The Donald Trump Centre For People Who Don’t Breathe Good, saying that it must have been designed for ants and will need to be at least three times bigger.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2020 by

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