Following Emma Thompson’s appearance at the Extinction Rebellion demo, more stars of Love Actually are set to highlight the effects on the environment of booking a flight and hopping across the Atlantic. Director Richard Curtis said that the cast felt morally obliged to act on this defining issue of our time as nothing could be worse than the impending climate disaster humanity has wreaked on the planet. He pointedly ignored someone in the crowd muttering ‘Except a remake of Love Actually, of course’.
After protestors caused gridlock on Waterloo Bridge, causing a brief lull in sulphur dioxide emissions from Audis, Thompson’s fellow Footlights’ pal, Rowan Atkinson, announced his intention to bring Leicester Square to a standstill with a PowerPoint presentation of increasing global temperature trends, often referred to as the ‘hockey stick’. Thompson’s ex, Kenneth Branagh, has also given his full backing to the movement and yesterday outlined plans to turn up at Gatwick’s Terminal 4 on horseback and quote some Shakespeare at frustrated holidaymakers.
Also on board is Martine McCutcheon, who said she had recently discussed anthropogenic global warming at length with Hugh Grant at an after-show party, while staring at the lines in his face and pondering her own mortality. McCutcheon’s gloom was thankfully interrupted by a cocktail waitress before the pair became insanely depressed by the scenario of a ten-metre rise in global sea levels triggered by a full collapse of the Antarctic ice sheet.
Meanwhile, Colin Firth ruled out making a fourth Bridget Jones film unless steps are taken to reduce carbon emissions to pre-industrial levels, possibly via a bicycle-driven economy. Finally last night, Liam Neeson became the latest star of stage and screen to realise that carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere are the highest they’ve been since the Mesozoic era, which was during the dinosaurs and shit.
Eco warrior, Steven Duncan said: ‘Liam Neeson is extremely angry about the havoc our species is wreaking on the biosphere. Let’s just hope he doesn’t want to take it out on a black guy.’