Health Secretary Matt Hancock has clarified that the debt we owe our under-equipped NHS staff and other frontline workers risking their lives for us was in no way pecuniary. ‘That makes no sense,’ he said today.
‘They’ve made us grateful, so we owe them gratitude. What do you think all that hand clapping was for? Even I joined in, once. I think Dominic Raab joined in too, but that was because he though Boris had died.
‘But wage increases? That’s just not logical – it’s not as if those junior doctors and leeching low-skilled immigrant nurses are making us rich, is it? if it wasn’t for the reselling of PPE and testing kits to Europe, we’d make nothing out of this pandemic.
‘Let’s get this straight: financially speaking, we owe them fuck all! ‘