In his fight for a solution to the Coronavirus pandemic, the ‘invisible enemy attacking our Great American people’, President Donald Trump has appointed Mr Muscle to his health advisory scheme.
“Mr Muscle has my Complete and Total Endorsement. He is strong on Grime and those hard to reach Borders and Corners. He loves our Great Vets and can eliminate any blockages and unpleasant odours.”
The news was announced at his latest press rally following his suggestion that people could inject themselves with disinfectant to fight off the virus.
Dismissing suggestions that this could be dangerous advice, the President defended the appointment and launched an attack on the “fake news media”.
“This guy can kill 99.9% of all bacteria. You want proof? Look, it says so on the bottle. Okay, there’s zero point ten of a percent that one stubborn bug could get through, but he’s on to it. He’ll exterminate it. If that means shooting up then so what? It’s all part of our precious Second Amendment.”
Since the presidential announcement there have been reports of panic buying across the USA with supermarket shelves stripped of essentials such as orthophosphoric acid; hydroxyapatite; indium gallium arsenide and Cillit Bang.
Meanwhile, former Vice President, Democrat Joe Biden has promised to continue his quest to remove the biggest stain on the USA since history began.