Competitive Hand-clapping Neighbour buys 14ft Saucepan

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A competitive Thursday evening handclapper has taken to the extreme measures of wielding out a 14ft saucepan and striking it with a cricket bat, in order that their appreciation drowns out all the other residents in a quiet semi-rural cul-de-sac.

Colin Collinson (54) of Bramble Close, Barton Stacey was seen taking a special on-line delivery from “No More Mr Knife Guy”, Hampshire’s only Alice Cooper themed kitchenware outlet last Monday, after his colander and spatula were seriously drowned out by the woman at number 12 wielding an 18cm Le Creuset 5-ply and a wooden spoon. The same woman who annoyingly parks her PT Cruiser outside Mr Collinson’s house, but not in front of the dropped curbing.

“It’s been escalating week on week”, stated Mrs Peart at number 37, “The first week it was just handclapping to show our appreciation to key workers, but by week three there was a whole cornucopia of kitchenware. Egg poachers, frying pans, even a wok from that pretentious couple at number 15. The chap at number 7 didn’t really get it and just held his George Forman Grilling Machine above his head like some scene out of The Lion King.

Mr Collinson declined to be interviewed however we understand that the cricket bat was a classic 1981 Duncan Fernley Magnum with saucepan tuned to C#, three octaves below middle C.

Unsubstantiated rumours that Giles at number 7 will be lip-synching and debuting his Vera Lynn tribute act next Thursday, have yet to be confirmed.

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Posted: May 6th, 2020 by

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