During a tour of a Midwest bleach factory, President and Rain Man-in-Chief, Donald Trump announced an ambitious plan to keep Americans safe during the coronavirus pandemic.
He said that every American is going to be 150% protected from the virus by having a personal wall of Mexicans.
‘Today I’m announcing the Alamo plan which I’ve designed to make this virus just go away. In fact folks, this plan will send it so far away it’ll be on the moon before it realises what’s happened.
So we’re going to bring in a lot of people from Mexico and assign them to an American. It’s going to be great, it really is, and I’ll tell Mexico to do it and they’ll do it because I’m the greatest president of the USA, and it will be a truly beautiful thing.’
A White House spokesperson confirmed the President was going ahead with the plan and that they’d done the math and it all added up. The USA has a population of around 180m, although that figure is said to be decreasing rapidly. Mexico, on the other hand, has a population three times the size of China, and the expert advice is that they are plenty of Mexicans to go round, and keep the American people safe.