“New advice is unclear” complains man who ignored previous advice

Stay alert

The government’s new message of “Stay Alert” is unclear and unhelpful, complained a man who has ignored all the previous advice anyway.

“What does it even mean? I can go outside as much as I like now but I have to treat people with suspicion?”, asked James Stokes, while clearing away empty beer cans from last night’s poker game with friends.

Stokes, from Maidstone, has spent the last several weeks going about his life as normal, safe in the knowledge that his socialising with friends, nipping to the shops several times a day, and going to the park for a spliff with a mate were clearly in contradiction of “Stay at Home” advice. But now he is confused as to whether he is following recommendations or not.

“We need absolute clarity on what is and isn’t allowed under new government guidance, so I can get on with doing whatever the fuck I like anyway.”

“The simple message of ‘Stay Alert’ is massively unclear. There should be a comprehensive and exhaustive list of activities and scenarios that are and aren’t allowed.” explained Stokes,

“And I’ll read all of it once I get back from this pub I know that’s secretly still open.”

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Posted: May 12th, 2020 by

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