The British public have volunteered to take part in a six-month experiment, to see just how far they will go to obey an authority figure who cannot even wash his own hands. Boris Johnson plans to give increasingly dangerous instructions to citizens, to measure just how stupid we are – which sociologists call the ‘Brexit effect’.
The psychological study will involve parents sending their own children into harms way, on the promise that Matt Hancock knows what he is doing. Despite death and infection rates being some of the highest in the world, the UK will be asked open schools, sewers and Pandora’s box of clinical infections.
Explained one voter: ‘We’re all completely safe. I saw a person on TV saying so and they had a fancy pen, a lectern and a serious tie – so it must be true. Apparently, they’d been to a really good school and knew all the words to Rudyard Kipling, in Latin!’
Fortunately, history shows that the UK government never lies to its citizens; unless you include Hillsborough, the Iraq War and the viewing figures for Mrs Brown’s Boys. As a further experiment, psychologists have attached electrodes to Michael Gove’s genitals – although this is not to test obedience but at Mr. Gove’s request.