Schoolteachers to get SAS style training

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The government has denied that teachers are being put at risk by being rushed back to schools early. ‘Nonsense,’ said Prime Minister Boris Johnson today when announcing the British Educational Force, or BEF, at Westminster. ‘They are being shipped for special anti coronavirus training in Hereford run by the SAS – Special Antivirus Service – and will be up, ready, trained and in classrooms on June 1st,’ he said. ‘Their PPE is due to arrive seven to fourteen days later, so they are really good to go,’ he added.

When asked if it was appropriate for teachers to go into classrooms before the PPE is provisioned and classrooms are suitably adapted the Prime Minister pointed out that children didn’t really get any symptoms, so are safe. He denied it was possible that screaming six year olds with snot running down their faces could in any way present a risk for teachers, their families or the lollipop lady.

‘What is more important? A vague R number or a generation of six year olds unable to colour between the lines? We have the economy on edge and a failure to be able to wield a crayon effectively could result in the collapse of the manufacturing sector,’ said the Prime Minister. holding up a government charter written in red crayon.

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Posted: May 17th, 2020 by

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