MPs rejected return to Parliament ‘because they can’t play tag during break time’

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Sources inside Parliament have revealed that the real reason why MPs are reluctant to return to the House of Commons is that social distancing rules mean games of tag during break time will now be ruined. ‘Look it’s just not going to be the same,’ said Iain Duncan Smith, because of course he did. ‘I can’t tag anyone if I can’t get near them. I may not be the quickest MP, in fact there are few MPs out there slower than me, but I always pop up just when you think you’ve seen the last of me.’

Dominic Raab confirmed that the government is determined to find a solution for this. ‘Does that answer your question? OK, look we are trialling tag, test and trace on the Isle of Wight and that will be ready for roll out just as soon as all this is over. Does that answer your question? OK, look we don’t yet know why people in care homes are struggling to play tag, I’m mean they’re all sitting in the same room all day long so it should be easy, they can do it after Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes or something. OK does that answer your question?’

Leader of the House of Commons Jacob Rees-Mogg has demanded MPs return to the House as games of tag can be made to work if everyone has a top hat like he does. ‘Holding a top hat with the arm extended gives one a two meter reach to tag opponents,’ Rees-Mogg said. ‘They have laughed at me in the past for my top hat but now they laugh no more. Look at the Chamber now – nary a titter.’

Another Minister who preferred not to be named, but might be Michael Gove, said: ‘Obviously tag is a bad idea at times like this. So, what the Prime Minister and I most like to do at break times is give atomic wedgies and the person we like to do it most is old Pratt Wanksock. ‘It’s time to hoist the Hancock boxers up!’ we shout as we run out during break. It is funny, you know his sad sack expression never changes even after we’ve done that. Well I suppose if you’re in as much trouble as he is at the moment, you’d look like that too.’

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Posted: May 21st, 2020 by

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