As the Queen’s finances plummet and she has been forced to take drastic budgetary measures, such as the furloughing of Princess Anne and the Duke of York AirBnB, Prince Philip has stepped into the breach. Inspired by Captain Tom Moore, he is bringing back the ancient and noble tradition of shooting commoners. This will be the first time since the abdication that the ordinary working man had the chance to be shot by a top-five xenophobic Royal.
The Duke was hoping to drive through London in the Gold State Coach and pick off commoners who are ignoring social distancing. However, the coach is currently in for a service and MOT so he will be taking potshots from the Buckingham Palace balcony. Commoners are asked to make themselves available at the palace gates between 2.00 and 3.00 pm tomorrow and anyone wishing to sponsor him should text ‘KILL PLEBS’ to 86548.