A leading scientist at the Medical Research Centre has admitted that his modelling output has not met government targets. Dr Peter Saunders, 43, a Behavioural Guesstimate Specialist has offered his resignation to the head of SAGE.
Defending himself, Dr Saunders said: ‘Matt Hancock set the bar very high with his modelling demands. He wanted three Spitfires, two Lancaster bombers, two Harrier jump jets and an American B52 bomber by the middle of May, for his children’s birthday. Sadly I’ve only managed to complete two of the Spitfires and half of a jump jet.
You have to remember that trying to get hold of enamel modelling paint in period-correct colours hasn’t been easy during the lockdown. It’s a highly competitive international market out there.
I also ran out of PPE halfway through the jump jet and activated the ejector seat when I changed my face mask. It’s now somewhere in next doors Begonias.’