All of Britain will be in Garden Hot Tub by July


If the rate at which the British public has been purchasing hot tubs continues, everyone will be sitting in the warm watery comforters in their garden by July.

Not since the trampoline epidemic have people been so much in agreement about what massive and expensive item they should cover up a big area of their lawn with, leaving a weird patch for years to come.

Hot tub enthusiastic Brian Neptune said: ‘It’s like being somewhere exotic, you get to wear your swimming trunks but you can still quickly go and put the bins out. I’ve had wrinkly toes and fingers for days. I’m staying in here all summer. Also, it’s a bit exciting being mostly undressed in the back garden. I’ve even invented a car bumper sticker ‘Tubbers Do It Wetter’ but have had no interest from major retailers as yet.’

Neighbours have been heard competitively discussing how many litres their tub can hold, what their cleaning regime is and how many frothy water settings they have. Dads everywhere have been making the same flatulence jokes about baked beans, to the groans of their families.

Surprised blackbird Deirdre Featherstone said ‘We think they got the idea from us. The garden bird community has been washing their privates al fresco for years and enjoying a splash about, and we’ve seen them watching us from the kitchen window. I saw a lovely pair frolicking late last night, it was charming to see their little pink faces and their chubby arms, it’s nice they can slow down and enjoy something as simple as water.’

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Posted: May 29th, 2020 by

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