Dominic Cummings to retrospectively rewrite government advice on Covid-19

Cummings

Picking up on the nation’s latest mantra – if Dominic Cummings can do it, so can I – Dominic Cummings is going to rewrite the government advice in force when he went on his trip(s) to Durham to make sure he was entirely in line with guidance.

‘I rewrote the 2019 blog predicting a pandemic in April this year and nobody seems to mind that I’ve retrospectively made myself on a level with Nostradamus, so if Dominic Cummings can rewrite last years blog, surely I can rewrite government advice?’ he asked, rhetorically of course.

‘I’m making small changes. Stay at a home, save some of the NHS and something about lives I never really grasped,’ he admitted. ‘And that wasn’t an admission,’ he pointed out.

‘Now what about this bit in the Highway Code? Ah yes, If you need correction lenses to see clearly you must wear them. Sounds sensible. Now where’s my crayon? Right, in the event you don’t think you can see clearly go on a maximum of thirty mile round trip to confirm that your diagnosis is incorrect. Maybe stop for a picnic with family.

‘Hang on, don’t like that word “incorrect”, I’m never incorrect, even when I’m wrong, and I’m never wrong. Anyway, I’ll put something about taking a four year old with me, just in case,’ he said, scribbling out frantically.

‘As I said, if Dominic Cummings can do it…’

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Posted: May 29th, 2020 by

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