Negotiators from Quantico have been brought in to try and bring a peaceful resolution to a woman’s hair styling discussions with her husband.
The woman, who can’t be named for legal reasons (she’s called Pauline Jones, but don’t tell anybody), has been vacillating between an asymmetric bob like the sister in Fleabag and something called a ‘wavy bob’. Both hairstyles are legal. Both are way beyond her husband’s capabilities. She doesn’t know it yet, but she looks a bit like the Peaky Blinders.
Unusually in a siege situation, both parties are making demands. The woman is demanding access to a mirror. Her husband wants a helicopter and a new identity. Preferably before the mirror arrives.
The woman’s husband told negotiators: ‘It just got out of hand. I’m pretty good at plastering, plumbing and tiling. I’m handy. I just thought ‘How hard can it be?’ It’s only hair”.
Women everywhere have emailed suggestions to the negotiation team, with the most common suggestion being: ‘shoot the bastard’.