Charity Shops up and down the land have expressed trepidation about coming back to work in the coming days fearing having to search through all sorts of random, useless shite the nation has left in front of their shops following bored, listless attic clear-outs.
A spokesman for the industry has expressed the feelings of the vast majority of Charity Shop employees and volunteers today in a statement released to the press today.
“Thank you everyone for donating your unused items at this critical time. Now more than ever, people are in need of the generosity of others to even basically function.
However, please stop dumping random, useless shite on our doorstops. We still have to sort through it, process it and get it taken to the dump if it’s unusable. I mean seriously, why are you leaving a mattress in the street? Even if it was not soiled (they always are), we’re not going to use it if it’s been in a puddle for a few days.
And don’t get me started on Jigsaws! MAKE. SURE. ALL. THE. PIECES. ARE. IN. THERE! Surely that’s logical? And don’t put old scrabble letters and dominoes in the boxes because they’re hanging about in a case in your attic. What are we going to do with them? Also, while we have your attention we can’t use the following either:
Opened boxes of pasta / condoms / tampons / fudge. I mean, seriously?
The wheels from your Tonka toys unless they’re attached to an actual fully functional, safe Tonka Toy.
A wooden tennis racket. There’s a reason you don’t see them anymore.
VHS tapes of your wedding / birthday / etc. Someone has always taped porn over the top.
Rothmans football annual from 1989. No one cares anymore, throw them in the recycling.
I mean I could go on but just have this in mind before donating. Is this for dumping or donating? The answer is nearly ALWAYS dumping. So take it there.
I don’t know why I’m even releasing this, you’re all going to ignore it.”
In other news, the nations dumps have been notified of an imminent second wave.